life is good :)

im sad because i dont know what im going to do for my birthday.
its on tuesday so ill be in gvegas...ill probably just go downtown or something and drink with ecu friends. but this weekend im coming to raleigh
but i dont know what to do to celebrate with my raleigh friends. i dont know where to have a party in raleigh since i dont live there anymore. and i dont want to throw a party at my apartment in greenville bc everyone gets to fucked up and ruins my house that i try to keep clean!!! and no one from raleigh could or would drive here on a tuesday night to come to a party at my apartment. :(

i heard a song yesterday on 88.1 and i remember some of the lyrics.
ive looked it up for the past half hour and im getting pissed off.
if you recognize the lyrics and know the song PLEASE HELP
lyrics:
we both know shes not coming back and i think its time we face that fact
and we both know its so strange because shes a good good good good girl and i cant change.

so if you know this song let me know it would make my day!!!

i started spotting so i went to the doctor
they couldnt find a heartbeat
they said this is a normal thing
i was just a few weeks along
but its still so sad
i guess it was good and bad news
neither me or ben were ready for that life
so am i just supposed to go back to the one i was living before

i am having a baby.
i found out recently that im pregnant.
ben and i love each other and want to be together so we are keeping it.
i am very excited very scared very overwhelmed with a lot of things.
all i know is that this little life thats inside of me right this minute is a miracle.
this whole experience is going to teach us so many things and its going to be amazing.
there are some parts of this however that will not be amazing such as the fact that i had to out of nowhere quit smoking, quit drinking, quit going out late, quit the life ive been a part of for so long now and i dont want to lose the friends ive made because they are still stuck in that life. i wasnt ready for this and i think thats exactly why it happened. this is something that is forcing both ben and i away from being immature and irresponsible...and it will be for the best because where we were headed before we found out would've been a much worse situation. all in all im thankful for this life and im thankful for ben.
i just really want to know if its going to be Elijah Satar Popal, or Gabrielle Elizabeth Popal

i think things are beginning to look up :)
i love the autumn.
i love new beginnings.
i love ben.

he was my everything for so long and i dont know how im going to do this :(

and your down on your knees
its too late
oh dont come crawling
and you lie by my feet
what a big mistake
i see you falling

after all the times we had and all the times we shared
everything i did for him wasnt enough. it seems to me that no matter
how you see your picture perfect idea of what you want in a relationship
and what you expect out of love from someone, its never going to be enough.
each day brings new experiences that you can learn from and take with you
or you can let them tear you down. and being the girl i am i let them tear me down. and now im in a place ive never been and feeling insecurities ive never felt. i pretty much based everything around me on ben and now i realize how unhealthy ive become and how much hes changed me after i swore up and down that he couldnt change me. now im in greenville and ive dropped all my classes except for a 50min math class. i barely work enough to feed myself and i have basically no friends. i miss raleigh. i miss my friends. i miss my old life. i dont see why at the end of the day no matter what relationship im in friendship or intimate drugs are always the cause of disaster. i used to do drugs because they made me feel something that i could enjoy without too much thought. now its like all my thoughts are wrapped around themselves and everything and everyone is stuck going in circles wanting and waiting for something that isnt real.
~i really need some advice so if you have any then comment please.

i am totally and completely head over heels
in love with my knight in SHINING armor...
ben popal! :) x 10000000000000000

In 2006 I...


[x] broke a promise
[x] made a new friend
[x] lied
[x] went behind your parents back
[x] cried over a broken heart
[x] disappointed someone close
[x] hid a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[x] kissed in the rain
[x] slept under the stars
[ ] kept your new years resolution
[x] forgot your new years resolution
[x] met someone who changed my life
[ ] met one of your idols
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[x] pretended to be sick
[ ] left the country
[ ]almost died
[x] given up something important to you
[ ] lost something expensive
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] made a change in your life
[xxx] found out who your true friends were
[x] met great people
[x] stayed up till sunrise
[x] pigged out over the summer
[x] was never home on weekends
[x] got into a car accident
[x] found a person I never thought I'd become real good friends with
[x] had friends who were drifting away from me
[ ] had someone close to me die
[ ] had a high cell phone bill
[x] wasted most of my money on food
[x] had a fist fight
[x] went to the beach
[ ] saw a celebrity
[x] gotten sick
[x] liked more than 5 people at the same time
[x] had a wasted night
[x] became closer to a lot of people